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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22659964">It's What We Hide</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ren_rum/pseuds/Ren_rum'>Ren_rum</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Black Veil Brides</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Andley - Freeform, Angst, Anorexia, Bulimia, Depression, Eating Disorders, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Smut</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 02:00:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>20,506</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22659964</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ren_rum/pseuds/Ren_rum</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>If you saw someone drowning, would you jump in and save them? Even if it meant they might pull you under as well? </p><p>Trigger warning: Suicidal themes, eating disorder, sexual content, language </p><p>Andley story by me, Ren (alightwhendarknessfell)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Andy Biersack/Ashley Purdy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Dead Man Walking</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter One: Dead Man Walking</p><p>Ashley had never met someone so hell-bent on self-destruction. Someone with such raw talent and passion, but with no sense of self-preservation. A beautiful specimen of a man who tried to hide so many flaws behind a veil of black hair and eyeliner. Andy walked into his life just when he thought things were done for him, that the scene had moved on and he should too. All the 80s rockers were throwing in the towel and rock n’ roll as an act of rebellion had died. The thirty-one-year-old had been trying for the better half of the last decade to make it, cutting his teeth on the streets of Skid Row, but nothing had panned out. </p><p>No one had the right mix of talent, ambition, and vision, not until this, now nineteen-year-old kid from Ohio showed up, broke and chasing a dream. </p><p>Andy had entered Ashley’s life like a hurricane making landfall. More had happened in the past year than all his years trying to make it in the industry combined. The band had come together, gotten a record deal, toured, and had just released their debut album. Success, as it always does, comes with a price. Ashley had realized rather quickly that the blue-eyed singer was in over his head. </p><p>Andy was a ticking time bomb, a perfect combination of insecurities, a sheltered upbringing and mental demons that was set to explode. On the exterior he was perfect, and he worked harder than anyone knew to keep the façade up. Porcelain skin only interrupted by the ink of his tattoos, piercing crystal blue eyes, jet black hair that fell over his bony shoulders and an impossibly slim figure donned in black jeans and leather. A character that hid the fact that on the inside he was falling apart. A chain-smoking alcoholic that hardly ate, surviving off nicotine and whiskey, tortured by a past of bullying and a fear of never being good enough. Anxiety that sent him into panic attacks late at night when he thought Ashley was asleep and couldn’t hear the pained cries of a broken boy. </p><p>Ashley had no place to judge, no right to invade Andy’s privacy. He knew what it was like to be young and reckless. He’d spent most of his own youth addicted, overdosing and contemplating suicide. How he made it out alive, he still wasn’t sure. </p><p>Had Ashley known all of Andy’s secrets would he have still made the plunge? Tied himself to someone who was drowning? He couldn’t answer that question. Something about the boy drew Ashley in like a moth to light. The chemistry between the two was obvious to anyone, the way Andy would smile and blush whenever Ashley got a bit too close or how Ashley’s jeans would get a bit too tight watching Andy change backstage. Then there was the second night of the current tour, Andy drunkenly falling into Ashley as they tried to unlock the motel room door. Ashley’s hands around the contours of Andy’s waist as their eyes locked for just a few seconds too long. Andy’s breath smelled like whiskey and Ashley found himself questioning everything about himself. He liked women, but something about the younger man was simply intoxicating. Had it not been for Andy pulling away, his stomach suddenly rejecting the copious amounts of alcohol he’d drank that night, Ashley was pretty sure he would have made a fatal mistake. </p><p>Ashley knew a lot of Andy’s secrets, the product of living in his house, but he had one more. Andy wanted Ashely in a way he knew he shouldn’t, it was stupid to mix sex and emotions with business. Andy watched Ashley bring girl after girl back to his house or hotel rooms. Always the same type, blonde, thin but with obviously fake breasts, scantily dressed and for the most part, nameless. He kept to himself how it made his heart twinge with pain, how he felt sick to his stomach listening to the moans and gasps emitting from the closed door of the bedroom. How he found himself jealous of a meaningless one-night stand because they had a part of Ashley that he knew he couldn’t have. </p><p>So, he just drank more, numbing the feeling of being alone and unloved despite being idolized by countless fans. They didn’t know him; they knew who he pretended to be and if they knew the real him their opinion of him would fade. If they knew he was just as lost and broken like so many of them then the gig was up, he was nothing but a false prophet. </p><p>--- </p><p>The rain was coming down in buckets outside the motel window, hitting the metal awning outside and creating a soothing melody. A few more shows and they would be back home in their own beds, finally able to go to sleep at a reasonable time. It was currently sometime after two in the morning and Andy was too drunk to remember what state let alone what city they were in. He took a long draw from his cigarette before setting his bag down on one of the two beds. The dingy comforter was typical for the shady motels they stayed in, which given a normal blood alcohol content would probably be repulsive, but Andy didn’t have one of those currently. </p><p>Ashley wrinkled his nose at the scent of years of cigarette smoke the room held, claiming the other bed as his for the night. He glanced over at Andy who was shirtless save for a cropped leather jacket and skintight skinny jeans that seemed to be painted onto his legs showed that he’d dropped even more weight on this tour. Andy sensed that the older man was looking at him because he turned around, remnants of warpaint still on his face and body and smeared red lipstick stained his full lips. </p><p>“You want to take a shower first?” Ashley asked, breaking the silence between them. </p><p>Andy shrugged, laying back on the bed, too intoxicated to care about falling asleep in his stage clothes and makeup. Ashley bit his lip as his eyes darted to Andy’s exposed stomach, tight and begging to be kissed and nipped. </p><p>Andy smirked, chuckling, “what are you looking at?” he raised a perfectly manicured eyebrow. </p><p>“Nothing,” Ashley said quickly, hoping Andy would just shower and pass out so that he could stop thinking about things that would get them both in trouble. </p><p>The look in Andy’s eyes sent a shiver down Ashley’s spine. He knew that look better than anyone else. It was the same look the groupies would give him, that come here and fuck me, violate me and make me scream look. Andy’s sky-blue eyes had a hint of innocence to them that drove Ashley insane. He knew better than to think that someone as breathtaking as Andy was anywhere near a virgin, but he had a thing for the illusion it gave. </p><p>Before Ashley knew what he was doing he was sitting beside Andy on the bed, his eyes hungrily looking over Andy’s exposed torso. Andy licked his bottom lip slowly, biting on the plump skin. Ashley cleared his throat, “If I didn’t know any better, I might ask why you’re giving me that look.” </p><p>Ashley wasn’t sober either, and the shots he had taken at the bar with Jake and Jinxx were clouding his judgment. He watched as Andy propped himself up on his elbows, his lips parted just enough. </p><p>Andy let out a soft moan as Ashley suddenly grabbed the boy’s jaw with a roughness that sent a jolt of arousal through Andy’s body. The sound made Ashley’s breath catch in his throat and pretty much sealed his fate. “You didn’t bring a girl back tonight, I’m surprised” Andy purred, his words slurring slightly. </p><p>“Mm, just didn’t see any I liked.” He replied, brushing his thumb over Andy’s bottom lip. </p><p>“Well, that’s just too bad.” Despite the alcohol, Andy’s heart was racing in his chest at the prospects of how tonight would play out. He hoped that Ashley couldn’t hear it, he didn’t want to show just how badly he wanted this. </p><p>“I guess it is for me… but for you? I don’t think you’re too upset doll face.” Andy smiled at the pet name, sitting up fully and leaning into the bassist. </p><p>Ashley ran his fingers through Andy’s silky black hair, earning more quiet moans from the singer. He wondered if Andy liked having his hair pulled, he kept it so long, he must. Ashley’s other hand rested on Andy’s hip, sliding up his waist and tugging on the jacket. Andy let it slip off behind him, the cool motel room air feeling good against his hot skin. </p><p>“Such a beautiful body… how come you never bring anyone back?” Ashley remarked, almost hypnotized by the pale flesh in front of him. </p><p>“I have a very specific type,” Andy answered, gasping as Ashley gave a quick tug on his hair. </p><p>“Fuck it, I don’t care if this is a bad idea,” Ashley whispered before closing the gap between their lips, pulling Andy tight against him. Andy melted into the kiss, parting his lips and moaning at the feeling of Ashley’s tongue in this mouth. His head spun as Ashley pushed him onto his back, climbing on top of him. </p><p>Andy kicked his boots off, fumbling with Ashley’s belt buckle as their make-out session intensified. Ashley reached a hand down, rubbing Andy’s erection through the fabric of his jeans. The younger boy’s hips jerked involuntarily at the friction it caused, desperate to feel release from all the built-up sexual tension. Clothes became piles on the floor, hands exploring every inch of each the other’s body. </p><p>“You sure you want to do this love?” Ashley asked, giving Andy one last chance to back out. “You don’t know how long I have.” He answered. </p><p>Ashley pushed two fingers into Andy’s mouth, smirking as he felt Andy swirl his tongue around them, coating them with saliva. He pushed his pointer finger into the singer slowly, watching with pleasure as Andy leaned his head back and moaned at the feeling. The next one made Andy wince and tense up around Ashley’s fingers. “Mm relax love, that’s nothing.” </p><p>He let Andy get used to the feeling before slowly starting to pump them in and out, chuckling when Andy suddenly let out a slutty moan as his fingers found his prostate. “F-Fuck” Andy gasped. </p><p>Andy whimpered as the bassist pulled his fingers out, the aching in the younger man’s gut almost unbearable now. “Mm just a minute love” Ashley got up, fumbling through his bag, his own erection demanding to be satisfied, his hand finally feeling the smooth surface of the bottle he was searching for. </p><p>Andy groaned, slowly starting to pump himself, unable to take the waiting any longer. Ashley slapped his hand away before pouring a liberal amount of lube onto his own cock, shuddering at the feeling. “Fuck me, please,” Andy begged, arching his back. </p><p>Ashley lined his hips up with Andy’s, pressing the tip of his cock against the younger boy’s hole. Andy let out a gasp of pain as he felt Ashley enter him. The older man took care to go slow at first, letting Andy get used to each new bit of length. Andy’s cheeks were flushed red and he just looked so fucking perfect Ashley thought. He had to bite his own lip to keep from moaning as he started to move his hips, slowly building a rhythm. </p><p>“I bet you like it rough don’t you beautiful,” Ashley growled in Andy’s ear, wrapping a tattooed hand around Andy’s throat. </p><p>‘Choke me’ Andy mouthed; his eyes full of lust. Ashley almost came right there. He obeyed, squeezing the sides of Andy’s neck until he heard the boy gasping for breath. His thrust started getting faster as he squeezed Andy’s neck hard enough to leave marks. </p><p>Andy wasn’t sure if he was going to blackout from the lack of blood going to his brain, the alcohol or the overwhelming feeling of pleasure each time Ashley hit his prostate. Suddenly Ashley released his hold on the boy’s neck, flipping him over onto his hands and knees as he started to pound into him.</p><p> Andy curved his back, holding onto the headboard to keep upright. He couldn’t take it anymore, he reached down to start to stroke his throbbing cock, feeling precum leak out over his hand. He shut his eyes, getting completely lost in the feeling. Ashley wrapped his fist in Andy’s hair, pulling on it roughly before pushing his head into the pillows, holding it down as he fucked him harder and harder. </p><p>“Ah- f-fuck.” Andy cried out, the mixture of pain and pleasure edging him closer and closer to release. </p><p>“Come for me slut,” Ashley commanded, sending Andy over the edge as he felt the muscles in his stomach clench as he started to come. He pumped himself faster as he rode out his orgasm, moaning the older man’s name loud enough that the poor souls next door probably heard him. </p><p>Ashley cursed as he felt Andy clench around him as the singer came, moaning his name. Ashely knew he couldn’t last much longer as he gripped Andy’s hips tightly with both hands, digging his nails into the soft skin, leaving bruises and marks. “Jesus fucking Christ you feel so good” Ashley moaned between labored breaths.</p><p>Andy gasped as he felt Ashley come deep inside him. Ashley’s thrusts sped up as he milked every bit of euphoria out of his climax before finally slowing and stopping, carefully pulling out of the still shaking boy. Andy collapsed onto his stomach, panting for breath, rolling over onto his back to try and fight the urge to pass out. </p><p>Ashley pushed his hair back, finding his boxers on the ground and slipping them back on. He looked down at the thin body on the bed, the reality of what he just did starting to hit him. Andy groaned as he sat up, pulling the covers up to cover himself before grabbing his cigarettes from the bedside table and lighting one. </p><p>He pushed his messed-up hair back out of his face, his eyes going up to meet Ashley’s. What the hell did they just do?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. A Contract Made In Motel Beds</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter Two: A Contract Made in Motel Beds </p><p>Andy woke up to a sinking feeling in his gut, and he wasn’t sure if it was the result of the night of binge drinking or the fact that he may have completely crossed a boundary that he shouldn’t have. The singer’s body ached, and he didn’t have to look in a mirror to know he was covered in various bruises and marks; evidence of the night’s bad decisions. </p><p> The light pouring in the tar stained curtains made his head throb and he felt whatever was still in his stomach threatening to come back up. Andy looked around him, he was alone in the bed. Ashley had passed out next to him but must have woken up sometime during the night (or what was left of it) and gone to the other bed. For a moment Andy felt a sense of panic come over him at the thought of having just messed up the one lifeline he had in this world, but the growing nausea distracted him. </p><p>Andy bolted into the bathroom, his bony knees crashing down onto the dingy tiled floor before getting violently ill. He coughed, his chest hurting and throat burning. The nineteen-year-old laid his head against the toilet seat, not caring how disgusting it probably was. His whole body felt like it had been run over by an eighteen-wheeler. For someone in the ‘prime’ of their life, he sure did wake up most days feeling like he had terminal cancer. No one said that tour life was good for your health. </p><p>Ashley was awakened by the sound of Andy vomiting, a sound that normally served as his alarm clock on tour. The poor kid needed to learn when to stop drinking. The bassist sat up in bed, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He sighed and debated whether or not to just pick up his bags and move across the country… Nashville was a good city. No, he thought, maybe Andy wouldn’t remember anyway, he was pretty blackout drunk. Perhaps Ashely could just convince him that he’d brought a guy back last night and that would be the end of it. </p><p>“You okay in there?” Ashley called, stretching before leaving the warmth of his bed. </p><p>He wrinkled his nose at the smell of stomach acid in the bathroom. Andy was draped over the toilet, his long black hair a knotted mess, fresh bruises and red marks covering his body and neck. The poor thing looked so small… so fragile. Andy had gotten so thin; Ashley couldn’t help but notice how he could count each individual rib and vertebrae in the kid’s back. He shook the concern from his mind, he cared about Andy, but he wasn’t his father. </p><p>“I’m fucking dying…” Andy groaned before clutching the sides of the toilet again and dry heaving. </p><p>“I tried to tell you…” Ashley commented, kneeling down beside the boy and brushing his hair back out of his face. </p><p>The muscles in Andy’s back relaxed as Ashley ran his fingertips up and down his spine. He managed to push himself into a sitting position, wiping his lips and taking a deep breath. “What time is it?” his voice sounded hoarse from the trauma he had just inflicted on his vocal cords. </p><p>“It’s seven-thirty… we have enough time to get something from the breakfast bar before we have to leave if you want.” Ashley answered, hoping that Andy wouldn’t ask about the previous night.</p><p>Bloodshot blue eyes met his and he swallowed hard, feeling his heart skip a beat. He wasn’t getting out of this one easily. “Fuck it… I know we’re both thinking it… last night…” Ashely started. </p><p>“-We were both incredibly drunk…” Andy cut him off, sensing where the conversation was inevitably heading. </p><p>Ashley bit his lip; he could tell that Andy was putting on a tough front. Ashley had always had suspicions that the singer might have feelings for him that went beyond just best friends. Somewhere deep down in his own subconscious he knew he was lying to himself as well. He knew that what he felt for Andy was more than a straight man should feel for another guy. That wasn’t a conversation that he was going to have on a motel bathroom floor at seven-thirty in the fucking morning though. </p><p>“You’re right, and we probably shouldn’t have done what we did.” Andy looked at Ashley, not responding right away. </p><p>“It was fun… it felt good… that’s it right?” he finally stated in an emotionless tone. </p><p>What Andy wanted to say was that despite the roughness, the dirtiness, the pure animalistic nature of what they had done that at that moment he had felt something. He’d been numb for so long, going through the motions of life but not experiencing it. Until last night, he just wished he could remember more… </p><p>“Yeah, no use making it into a big deal.” Ashley shrugged before helping Andy to his feet. The younger man nodded and watched as Ashley walked out, saying something about going to get something to eat. </p><p>Andy waited until he heard the heavy metal door click shut before breaking down. His body shook as tears fell down his pale cheeks, still stained from the previous night’s makeup. He looked up to see his reflection in the dirty mirror. Behind the pale skin, he could almost see the cracks in the amour he’d tried so hard to build up. </p><p>The singer’s mind had become an increasingly dark place in the past few months. Things never were good, but lately, it was like any light that used to be at the end of the tunnel was vanishing. The pressures of fame and success were eating him alive, exasperating all his insecurities. Every night he put himself on display, to be adored by fans and critiqued by everyone else. His anxiety was getting to the point that he was having daily panic attacks, a few times he wasn’t even sure if he could pull it together long enough to get on stage. Then there was the depression, like a dark cloud that was slowly consuming him, draining all the good from his life. </p><p>He felt lonely even as hundreds of fans screamed his name every night, even though he was touring with his ‘brothers’. None of them, except maybe Ashley, really knew him. They only knew the person he pretended to be, not the deeply flawed and scared literal teenager he actually was. Then there was the hunger... the familiar ache in his stomach that was a near-constant in his life.  Most days he tried to eat as little as he could, using cigarettes as appetite suppressants. He was up to three to five packs a day. The singer could only go so long however before he broke and binged on whatever he could get his hands on. Rarely was it anything healthy, normally junk food or fast food, tour food. That would start the cycle all over again, a few times he’d even tried to ‘undo’ the damage, sticking his fingers down his throat. That, he knew, could seriously damage his vocal cords so he saved it as a last result. </p><p>A self-destruction junkie. That’s what he was. The scariest part of his mind though was the quiet little voice that told him things would be better if he was gone. Sure, the fans would be devastated, his parents, the band… but they would all move on. His suffering would be over, no more pain, worry, hunger, no more wanting to rip himself apart. It felt like that voice was getting louder every day. He didn’t want to die, but he didn’t want to live either. He had thought about reaching out for help, but to who? Ashley was probably the only person he could trust… and he might have completely ruined that. </p><p>Ashley wasn’t impressed by the motel breakfast spread. He wasn’t sure what he expected out of fifty dollars a night but maybe more than stale cereal and packaged pastries. He finally settled on black coffee and a pack of mini donuts. He didn’t like eating junk food, but he needed something to kill the hangover. He grabbed a cup of coffee for Andy and a couple of different pastries, hoping Andy would like at least one of them. </p><p>The older man knew that Andy thought he couldn’t tell, that he didn’t notice how Andy always refused food or that he’d dropped a good twenty pounds since they had met. The guys would all be eating at some breakfast diner after a show and Andy would be outside chain-smoking his way through god knows how many cigarettes. How it was like pulling teeth to get him to consume calories from anything other than alcohol. </p><p>Ashley sighed and made his way back to the room, having to balance everything in his hands while trying to unlock the door. Andy was sitting on his bed, scrolling through his phone, cigarette in hand. His long pin-straight black hair fell down over his face and shoulder and he’d put some heavy black eyeliner on. Despite his impressive height, he looked so tiny, his slender legs crossed underneath him. </p><p> “Hey, I brought you a coffee. Grabbed a few things for you to eat too. We probably won’t have time to stop anywhere so you should probably eat now.” Ashley said, setting everything down on the dresser. </p><p> Andy’s icy blue eyes darted up from his phone as he blew out a smoke ring. “I’m not hungry, but thanks for the coffee.” He said, his voice still noticeably hoarse. </p><p> Ashley frowned, handing the cup of steaming hot liquid to Andy who almost downed it. “Here, just have one then.” The bassist insisted, handing Andy one of the powdered mini donuts from his pack. </p><p>The younger man looked at it, he felt his stomach cry out for food, but he suppressed the urge. “No thanks.” </p><p>“Come on... they’re not too bad actually. Besides, I can literally see your ribs…”   Andy tossed his phone down on the bed, looking up at Ashley. “I didn’t hear you complaining last night, so why don’t you just drop it.” He snapped. </p><p>Ashley resisted the urge to call Andy a bitch but decided they were both too hungover to get into a fight this early in the morning. Instead, he just shook his head and started packing up his bag, they needed to get going anyways. </p><p>Traveling the country in a van wasn’t nearly as glamorous as their fans probably thought tour was. Imagine packing four dudes and a chick, gear and sweaty tour clothes into a beat-up van and then driving for hours on end to each venue. It made seedy motels feel like winning the lottery. Not to mention that driving said van normally fell on Ashley. In the rare case that someone else was willing to take a shift, he couldn’t even ride shotgun because Andy got car sick if he road in the back, or so he said. Ashley wasn’t quite sure if that was true, but he didn’t want to test it out. </p><p>Andy finished his cigarette, feeling the rush of the caffeine start to wake him up and finally put a dent in the throbbing headache. He wasn’t sure if drinking the entire cup as quickly as he had was a good idea. He was feeling lightheaded before he even stood up to grab his stuff. He tried to shake the feeling off as he made his way towards the door, but black spots kept obstructing his vision. </p><p>He felt himself sway a bit; afraid he might actually pass out. He had before when he’d pushed himself a little too far. Not enough food, water, sleep and self-care, and too much nicotine, caffeine, alcohol and whatever else he could get his hands on. </p><p>‘Fuck I’m going to pass out’ he thought to himself. A pair of strong hands caught him as he started to fall back, just before he passed the threshold of the door. His vision cleared as Ashley helped him stand up straight, still keeping a hand on his back for balance. Ashley’s face was contorted in worry when Andy looked at him. </p><p> “Andy…” he started.   “I’m okay, just dehydrated. I’ll grab a water from the vending machine.” He stuttered. </p><p>Andy pushed Ashley’s hand away and made his way out to the van, doing as he said he would and grabbing water before jumping in the passenger seat. Sandra, Jake, and Jinxx all piled into the back all of them almost immediately falling back asleep as Ashley started down the road. </p><p>There was nothing but silence except for the faint sound of Jake’s snoring for the first hour and a half of the ride. Ashley kept his honey brown eyes hidden behind thin-rimmed sunglasses; his gaze fixed on the open highway. The shock of what had happened between him and Andy the previous night was finally starting to hit him full on. He didn’t go for guys, he liked women and Andy might look like one, but he wasn’t. </p><p>Ashley finally broke, glancing over at Andy. The singer’s pale pink lips were twisted in a slight frown, his elbow propped up against the door and his long legs seemed to be at a painful angle. He had earbuds in, connected to his phone as he stared emotionlessly out the window, head propped up in his hand. He was stunningly beautiful, anyone could see that straight, gay, bi, whatever. The older man knew that he’d be on the verge of crossing that line with Andy for a while now. He knew Andy was gay, a secret he kept very tight-lipped, but still, Ashley flirted with him, got too close to him, it was almost a yearlong game of cat and mouse. Well, the cat had finally caught the mouse and it was bad news for them both. </p><p>What a stupid cat, and what a clueless mouse.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Des Moines</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter three: Des Moines </p><p>Andy started drinking as soon as they got to the venue. Despite being only nineteen and not old enough to drink he always managed to get liquor. This time it was courtesy of one of the other bands on the tour, he’d befriended one of the guys and somehow managed to get him to buy him bottles of whiskey. Ashley couldn’t say much, he was guilty of doing the same thing. </p><p>At first, it wasn’t a problem, Andy would get drunk, but it was normally after the shows and didn’t really make much of a difference. This tour had been different, the past few shows Andy had gotten completely obliterated before showtime. By the end of their sets, he was slurring words, if he remembered them at all and clearly a mess often time resorting to laying down on stage. The fans ate it up, too young or just too starstruck to realize. He’d make it through the signings, somehow remembering his own name before passing out and requiring Ashley to carry him to the van. That, of course, meant he wasn’t pulling his part loading the van back up or counting merch money. Something that was becoming a point of contention between the band and him. </p><p>Andy was in the green room, halfway through a bottle of single barrel whiskey. He looked like a painted doll all dressed up in his stage clothes and war paint, at least he was ready to go on stage. They were playing Des Moines, Iowa tonight to a fairly large crowd according to the line of fans wrapped around the venue. </p><p>“Hey, easy- “Ashley warned as he watched Andy throw the bottle back, taking more than a shot’s worth. Despite Andy’s low weight he could still drink a lot and hold his alcohol pretty well… for the most part. </p><p>“Save the rest of that for after the show, okay?” he added, softening his tone. </p><p>“Why would I do that, I want to be drunk now, not later.” It was quite clear that Andy was drinking to numb something. Ashley bit his lip; it was probably over last night he thought. He knew that a few minutes of pleasure wouldn’t be worth the wreckage it would cause. </p><p>“But you need to be able to perform. That’s been sort of an issue lately, I was thinking maybe you could cut back on the drinking until after shows?” Ashley tried his best to make the comment sound as least offensive as he could. </p><p>Andy took full offense to it not surprisingly, glaring at Ashley as he set the bottle down. “I’m the singer, this is my band and I know what I’m doing.” </p><p>“No sweetheart this is our band, I own half remember. So, I get a say.” Ashley said sarcastically, bringing up a sore subject. </p><p>“Fuck off asshole.” Andy cursed, throwing an empty bottle of water at the bassist. Ashley dodged the childish outburst, rolling his eyes. </p><p>“Watch how you speak to me,” Ashley growled, not in the mood for Andy’s antics. He felt anger rising inside him. He knew it wasn’t all aimed at Andy, more so at the whole past twenty-four hours. He was mad at himself for letting things happen the way they did, for letting some teenage emo twink make him question himself. </p><p>“Oh, you fuck me one time and you think you have a right to tell me what to do?” Andy spat back. </p><p>Andy’s head was spinning, and he felt out of control. He was already a lot drunker than he had initially intended to get and he knew deep down Ashley was right. It was starting to affect their shows but if he wasn’t blackout drunk, he wasn’t sure he could even get on stage. Drinking was the only way to silence the demons in his head, to shut everything off. If Ashley had any idea, then he would be more sympathetic. It was either go on completely fucked or not at all. </p><p>He didn’t want to fight Ashley. His anxiety was already through the roof due to the thought of having potentially traded his one lifeline in this world in for a quick drunken fuck. He was so close to the edge and no one knew it. Not even the man he was secretly hoping would catch him. He wanted to shout at Ashley to help him, save him, take away all the pain. To wrap his arms around him and make him feel safe and loved, warm and at home. </p><p>“Well that was a mistake, maybe if you had a little more control of your drinking you wouldn’t have acted like such a desperate whore.” Ashley sneered. </p><p>“Oh, I’m the whore? You’re the one who brings anything blonde and big boobed home every night! And don’t act like you weren’t into it.” Andy stood up on his feet, swaying due to his current level of intoxication. </p><p>“You sure do sound jealous. Why does it matter who I fuck? Just be glad I even gave you the time of day, because it sure as hell won’t be happening again.” Ashley knew if they kept going someone would say something hurtful, he knew he should just walk away and pray that the show tonight would at least be halfway decent. </p><p>The bassist was almost out the door when Andy opened his mouth again, unable to go without having the last word. “Whatever you closest asshole.” </p><p>Ashley saw red. Andy was the last person on earth that should be throwing accusations like that around. He might be honest with himself, but he sure was okay with having every female fan out there thinking they might have a chance in hell with him. Then again, his career was kind of built on that. The fuck did it matter to Andy what Ashley was, they had one drunken night together. That was nothing compared to the countless other nights Ashley spent fucking women. No, he wasn’t gay at all. </p><p>“Look here you little anorexia cunt, we’re not all faggots like you.” Ashely regretted his words the second they came out of his mouth; he’d gone too deep. He knew that both Andy’s appearance and sexuality were huge triggers for him. In earnest that was why he said what he did, because in the moment he wanted to maximize the hurt, put the kid back in his place. </p><p>He knew how much being called a faggot got under Andy’s skin. How many countless shows had been stopped for the sole purpose of Andy having a go at some meathead who shouted the word at him? Ashley opened his mouth to apologize, things were getting out of hand and he needed to stop it. Before he had the chance to even speak, he felt a fist collide with his jaw, causing him to stumble back. </p><p>“Get the fuck out of my face! You have no right to speak like that to me!” Andy screamed, almost hysterical. </p><p> Ashley held where Andy had hit him, popping his jaw back into place. The urge to retaliate and kick Andy’s ass was almost overwhelming. He certainly would have no problem taking the kid, and Andy needed to learn his lesson. “You really want to fight me; you think you can win?” Ashley asked, raising an eyebrow. </p><p>“Hit me. Do it.” Andy challenged, balling his fist up, ready to strike again. </p><p>“Nah, I don’t need to hit you. We both know you’re in enough pain of your own doing.” Ashley turned around, leaving Andy by himself. </p><p>The show was an absolute disaster, worse than any of the previous nights. Andy barely made it on stage, having to hold onto things throughout the first half just to stay upright. He must have finished the rest of the whiskey after Ashley had walked off because normally, he made it through the first few songs alright. The crowd seemed to notice, but the fangirls ate it up none the less. Screaming every time Andy said anything, despite how stupid it sounded. </p><p>Jake and Jinxx both exchanged worried looks with Ashley every time Andy almost fell over, which happened numerous times as the set progressed. The older man couldn’t describe the relief he felt when they finally were on their last song, Knives and Pens, a crowd favorite. Andy gave the normal ‘this is our last song’ speech, his words heavily slurred. Things derailed from there, Andy started begging the crowd to sing with him, crying into the microphone that he refused to sing the song if they wouldn’t help him. </p><p>At one point he physically laid down on the stage, still begging despite the enthusiastic chants from the crowd. He clearly had forgotten the words and was stalling. Ashley questioned how, even drunk, Andy could possibly forget the words to a song he had been singing for years. They should be burned into his brain at this point. After was seemed like forever, Andy finally started the song, barely singing and instead letting the crowd do most of the work. </p><p>As they walked off stage, Andy could hear Sandra whispering to Ashley and asking him what the fuck had just happened. Did they not realize that he could hear them? They still had to do their signing, or at least go out and see the fans that had been started lining up at their merch tent the second the last song ended. Andy’s head was spinning so bad he could hardly walk back to the green room, he just needed to lay down for a few minutes. All he had had today was a small pack of peanut butter crackers when they’d gotten to the venue, drinking almost an entire bottle of whiskey wasn’t the smartest idea. </p><p>He knew he was going to blackout; he could feel his grip on reality slipping. Sandra ended up guiding the intoxicated singer to the couch where he fell over, face planting into the cushions. </p><p>“There’s no fucking way he’s going to be able to do the fucking signing, just leave him back here. We’ll tell the fans he’s sick.” He heard Jake huff in frustration. </p><p>The young singer pushed himself up, suddenly feeling sick to his stomach for the second time that day. He felt himself gag; his legs unable to move to the nearby bathroom. He knew he had probably overdone things and clearly had alcohol poisoning but if he were being honest it didn’t make his list of concerns. </p><p>Ashley groaned, running his hands down his face when he heard Andy gag. As far as everyone else knew he and Andy were still best friends and nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Sandra had had her suspicions about the two of them but had kept it to herself, not wanting to open that can of worms. She looked over at Ashley as if to ask him if he planned on helping the inebriated singer. </p><p>“Fuck why does it always have to be me taking care of him?” Ashley huffed, kicking the trashcan over to Andy just in time for him to get sick. The other guys winced at the sight, but it wasn’t like they all hadn’t been there before, it wasn’t an unusual occurrence on tour. </p><p>Sandra couldn’t help but feel sorry for Andy, she saw him as something of a little brother and it hurt to watch him be in pain. She could tell that he was going through things, honestly, they all pretty much could but everyone just let Andy think he was good at hiding it. </p><p>“Just make sure he’s okay. We need to head out and do the signing, do you think you can get him out there?” the drummer asked. </p><p>Ashley thought it over for a minute. There was one way he could ‘sober’ Andy up, he just wasn’t sure if he wanted the kid to cross that line yet. “Yeah… just give me fifteen minutes. Tell them we’ll be out there soon.” He finally decided, watching the rest of the band walk out of the green room.</p><p>He turned his attention back to Andy who was now passed out face down on the couch. Ashley rummaged through his duffle bag until he found what he was looking for tucked away in his makeup bag. He held the tied-up plastic baggie between his fingertips, looking over the fine white powder. It was a well-known secret that Ashley was a party man and his drug of choice was cocaine. He’d spent most of his life abusing various drugs from heroin to alcohol, but coke was one he just couldn’t quit. He was nowhere near as bad as he had been in his past, but it wasn’t exactly his best quality. </p><p>Andy knew about it, and he was pretty sure the kid wanted to try it. There was a possibility he had already, Andy had some questionable friends in the scene. Ashley saw himself as somewhat of a protector for Andy, he wanted to shield him from all the bad things that came with Hollywood and fame. Tonight, he’d have to break that rule though. </p><p>Ashley walked over to where Andy was passed out, tapping on the side of his pale face. Andy stirred, groaning as his bloodshot eyes opened up. “A-Ash?” </p><p>“Yeah, it’s me, listen you’ve got to go to this signing, but you’re fucking wasted but... fuck this is a one-time thing only.” Ashley pulled one of his keys out of back pocket, dipping it into the white powder. </p><p> Andy’s eyes went wide when he saw what Ashley was doing. “Wait- y-you want me to do coke?” he slurred. </p><p>“How the fuck else are we going to get your ass up?” Ashley held the key up to Andy, hating himself for even considering this as an option. He was worried about the band; they were still so new and every move they made was being watched. If they faltered at all then their careers could be over. Interactions with their fans were vital, couldn’t have anyone going home and posting negative things about how their hot mess of a singer couldn’t even keep it together for the show. </p><p>Andy didn’t ask any questions, he just leaned down, snorting the powder off the end of the key. The younger man leaned his head back and let out a deep breath, immediately feeling the effects of the drug. He still felt drunk, but not like he was before. He also felt euphoric, happy, energized. No wonder Ashley did this stuff, although he knew if Ash ever found him using it, he might actually kill him. </p><p>“Alright let’s fucking go.” Ashley did a quick bump himself, before handing Andy a bottle of water and guiding him to the merch table where the rest of the band and fans were waiting for them. </p><p>Andy managed to make it through the signing, although by the end of it he was starting to feel bad again. Now he had a massive headache on top of feeling sick and dizzy again. He sat on the concrete steps behind the venue as everyone else loaded things into the van and U-Haul. He knew that he should be pulling his weight too, but there was no way he’d be much help in his current state. </p><p>He was coming down. The worst feeling in the world to him was sobering up, even just a little. All the things that he tried to suppress and hide with the alcohol came back with a vengeance. Of course, then there was all the regret and shame that came with whatever embarrassing thing he had done while intoxicated. He didn’t remember hardly any of the show, but a few fans had already uploaded videos of the disastrous Knives and Pens debacle which of course they had tweeted at him. He made it halfway through the video before closing the tab, unable to watch the rest. </p><p>He could only imagine how angry Ashley was with him, and the last thing he needed to do was give that man another reason to hate him. Andy had wanted to feel Ashley’s lips on his, to feel what it was like to be in his embrace to feel him inside him since the day they had met. He’d wanted to hear Ashley say that he loved him the way he loved Ash, he wanted something meaningful. The fact that it was a drunken one-night stand that by the looks of it had proven fatal for their friendship was the last thing he wanted. </p><p>“So, Sandra said she would drive for a while so I can get some sleep and we put the seats down in the back with the blow-up mattress so you can sleep this off,” Ashley said in a monotone voice, appearing before the blue-eyed man. </p><p>“Thanks... are you going to be upfront with her or- “Andy trailed off.</p><p>“Well I want to sleep too, we can both fit back there. You know, back to back.” The last part of the sentence hit Andy right in the heart. It was the way he said it like he was disgusted at the thought of having to be anywhere near him. </p><p>“Oh…”   “What? Do you think I’m going to cuddle up with you and hold you in front of everyone like we’re some teenage lovesick kids? Andy, I’m sorry if last night fucked with your head but you know where we stand.”   “You played just as much a part in last night as I did, don’t act like it was all one-sided.” Andy shot back. </p><p>Ashley shook his head. “It was all purely physical. I don’t have feelings for you and tomorrow when you’re sober, we need to have a serious talk. I think we need to establish boundaries going forward.” </p><p>Ashley felt his cheeks heat up as he faltered a bit. He tried so hard to believe his own words, but he knew deep down they weren’t true. Maybe if Andy thought they were though then he would move on and that would undoubtedly be better for both of them. He wasn’t good for Andy and the sooner that the kid saw that the better.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>AN: Combining cocaine with alcohol does not make you sober and is in fact dangerous</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. A Broken Man And the Tales He Tells</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Eating disorder</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter four: A broken man and the tales he tells</p><p>The passing streetlights lit up Andy’s porcelain face, his eyes closed in a dreamless sleep. Ashley watched as his chest rose and fell with each breath, he’d only managed to get about an hour of sleep on the cheap mattress. Plus, his mind was racing about everything that had happened. He meant what he said about needing to have a serious talk with Andy. The kid needed a reality check with all his self-destructive behaviors that were threatening the band’s future and his own. He also did need to set boundaries with Andy, maybe they had gotten too close and so no wonder why things happened. He needed to be clear with Andy and maybe some healthy distance would be better for the band, after all, in the end, it’s a business. </p><p>If it was so easy, so logical then why did Ashley feel his heart tearing at the thought of having to break Andy’s? </p><p>As he watched Andy’s sleeping figure the realization that there was a small chance, he was actually in love with the boy hit him. The older man tried to push the thought from his head, bury it back wherever it came from, but it refused instead lingering in his mind and torturing him. He didn’t like the questions that brought up, as well as the fact that loving someone like Andy would bring a lot of challenges. He was such a beautiful disaster and Ashley had a weak spot for that. </p><p>He reached out, caressing Andy’s cheek ever so lightly. Andy instinctively leaned into the touch, stirring in his sleep. Blue eyes fluttered open, meeting Ashley’s. </p><p>Andy’s heart was confused, the mixed signals Ashley was giving him were ripping him apart. How could he say they needed to set boundaries and that he didn’t feel anything for him but then his actions didn’t match. Far be it from the singer to reject any grasp on reality he had though, he took a risk, scooting closer to the man beside him. He rested his head against Ashley’s chest, inhaling the sweet scent of his cologne. </p><p>Strong, tattooed arms wrapped around him in a secure embrace. Ashley stroked Andy’s hair gently, calming the younger boy’s nerves. For a moment Andy forgot about all the bad thoughts racing through his head, about the pain and loneliness, nothing mattered except for the feeling of being held. </p><p>Ash kissed Andy’s forehead, allowing himself to feel what it would be like if he gave in to his heart. At some point, he ended up drifting back asleep with Andy in his arms. </p><p>Andy was sitting across from Ash, the bones in his hips painfully digging into the hard-plastic seat at the diner. He shivered despite wearing an oversized hoodie, the hood pulled up over his head. Ashley fidgeted with his cup of coffee, having barely touched the burger and fries he ordered. Andy had only ordered a diet soda, not that Ash was surprised. </p><p>The diner was mostly empty. It was a little bit after lunch and they’d just checked into the motel across the street. They still had a while before they needed to head to the venue, so Ashley figured why not go ahead and have their talk. Rip the band-aid off and make it easier. </p><p>He cleared his throat, having finally decided on how he wanted to do this. “Andy, listen I care about you. You’re my friend and my bandmate but I’m worried about you. The past few shows have been rough with you drinking… and this whole not eating thing needs to stop. You’ve lost a shit load of weight and people are starting to notice. I don’t know what’s going on in your head but if you need to find someone to talk to… well, I’ll help you pay or whatever…” </p><p>He felt like he’d just word vomited everything but better to get it out there. Andy didn’t reply at first, he just played with his straw. “I’m fine. It’s none of your business what I drink or what I do or don’t eat or what’s in my head.” </p><p>“When it starts to hurt the band it’s my business. I have a major stake in this and I’m not going to let your self-destruction get in the way of that.” It came off a bit harsher than Ashley had intended but this was supposed to be a wakeup call. </p><p>“I can handle myself, okay? I don’t need you pretending to be my dad.”  “Andy you saw the videos from last night, that’s unacceptable. You say you’ll handle yourself then I’ll believe you, but you keep going down this path you’re on and I’m done.” </p><p>Andy’s eyes shot up to Ashley’s. “What do you mean you’ll be done?” </p><p> “I mean I’ll quit. I’m not the only one either. Everyone is getting tired of you not doing your part and being a mess. You either pull it together somehow or you’re on your own.” </p><p>Andy had to bite his bottom lip to keep the tears that were welling up in his eyes from falling. If Ashley had any idea what was going on in his mind, then he’d have a lot more sympathy. If he knew just how close to the edge, he really was… If Andy lost the band…that would be the final straw. He’d put everything he had into this and the thought of it slipping through his fingers was too much. </p><p>“I-I’ll be better.” He choked out, a few tears falling down his cheeks. </p><p>Ashley could see behind Andy’s thick veil of hair and hoodie that he was crying. He felt an ache in his chest at the sight, but he couldn’t let his emotions get in the way of what needed to be said. This was for Andy’s own good and one day hopefully he would see that. </p><p>“And another thing… look I realize you might have feelings for me beyond just friends. I just want to be clear and set some boundaries. I don’t feel that way for you and I never will because well… I’m not… gay.” Ashley struggled to say the last sentence, having to force the final word out. </p><p>“So, I think it’s best if maybe we don’t room together after tonight… no more sleeping in the same bed, no more flirting and certainly no more… uh- physical contact.” He continued. </p><p>Andy broke at that. He covered his face with his hands, crying softly as to not draw attention to himself. Ashley just awkwardly looked at his hands, anything but having to see the pain he had caused Andy. He knew he’d just ripped the poor kid’s heart in two and no part of that felt good. </p><p>“Ash… I need you. I know you’re never going to have feelings for me, but I don’t know what to do without you there with me…” Andy pleaded. </p><p>“I’m here with you… I mean you’re still my friend we just need to be clear about things.” The older man tried to reason. </p><p>“I-I’m in a d-dark place… I-I don’t know how to get o-out.” Andy finally admitted, struggling to calm his breathing. </p><p>“Well… we only have two more shows left on the tour. When we get back to LA, I’ll help you find someone to talk to maybe?” Ashley knew the likelihood of Andy ever going to see a therapist was very low, but it was a nice gesture at least. </p><p>Andy scoffed at the idea, there was no way he was going to sit in some office and tell a total stranger that was being paid to care his life story. “That shit doesn’t work.” </p><p>The thing that scared him the most was there was a part of him that didn’t want to stop his self-destructive behaviors. As horrible and as painful as they made his life, it felt like home. He’d been in the same patterns for almost his whole life and he couldn’t imagine himself without them. That’s how you know you’re sick when you love what’s killing you. </p><p>“Well, Andy then I don’t know what to tell you. I said I’ll be here for you as your friend and bandmate but that’s it. I can’t make your problems mine and it’s not fair to put them on me.”   “Sorry… are we done talking now? I think I get the point.” </p><p>Andy just wanted to leave, get blackout drunk again and skip to the part where sleep took him with the hope that by some miracle the next day would be better. The singer looked up at the man in front of him, studying his reaction. Ashley opened his mouth to say something else but simply shook his head instead and muttered a quick “yeah we’re done here.” </p><p>Andy was nowhere near as drunk as he wanted to be. He was trying to be good, at least keep it to a level where he could perform without too much shit from Ashley, but it was fucking hard. His tolerance had gotten so high that the bottle of wine he had before the show felt like grape juice to him. The show went alright, he remembered the words and didn’t end up crying on the floor which was an improvement from the previous night. </p><p>Now the last of the fans had cleared out, leaving just the roadies and various band members to pack up unsold merch and gear. Andy had done ‘his part’ and packed up his gear into the van so no one could fault him for being lazy anymore. His muscles felt so weak and he struggled just to load the few pieces of equipment that he did. His stomach was cramping painfully from hunger, begging to be fed. He knew that he should have eaten something at the diner, but he thought he could go a little bit longer, more calories saved for alcohol. </p><p>Perhaps he could find something at the gas station across from the motel when they got home. Just something small to kill the hunger pains. The singer blew smoke out from between his red-painted lips, hoping the nicotine would be calm his nerves and appetite. </p><p>His eyes went over to Ashley. The bassist was standing with his back to Andy, leaning over the bar and talking to one of the female bartenders. The woman looked like she was in her late 20’s, platinum blonde hair fell in loose curls over her dainty shoulders, she was tan and lean like a former cheerleader. Her uniform consisted of a cut-up t-shirt showing off her obviously fake tits and her ass was hanging out of her booty shorts. She looked more like she belonged in a porno than behind a bar, but she had Ashley wrapped around her finger. </p><p>Andy felt sick to his stomach as she blushed and giggled, her boobs bouncing every time she walked. Ashley would no doubt be fucking her tonight, Andy just prayed that he wouldn’t do it in the room so he could at least get some sleep. </p><p>“Don’t make it so obvious.” Sandra laughed, approaching Andy from behind. </p><p>Andy jumped at her sudden presence, turning around to face the drummer. Andy towered over her, but she still called him little brother and besides Ashley, she was probably the person that knew him best. As a lesbian herself, Andy had confided in her about his sexuality knowing that she would keep it a secret. He didn’t tell her about his feelings for Ashley, however. </p><p>“Don’t make what so obvious?” Andy played dumb, clearing his throat. </p><p>“Dude, you’re standing here giving that poor girl the death glare just because Ashley’s talking to her. I know you like him.”  “I-I’m not… I just don’t understand how he could think she’s attractive I mean everything about her is fake.” </p><p> Sandra shrugged, “I mean she’s hot, not really my type but I can see why he’s interested. I know it sucks but, if that’s his type there’s not really much you can do.” </p><p>Andy bit his lip, not sure why he suddenly felt like crying. “Can we just go back to the motel, I’m exhausted.” He asked, changing the subject. </p><p> Sandra nodded, going in the back to gather Jake and Jinxx. Andy walked over to where Ashley was, resting his elbows beside the man. Ashley’s eyes broke from the waitress, whose name tag read Jessica, and over to Andy. </p><p> “Can I help you?” he asked, a hint of annoyance in his voice at the obvious cock block. </p><p> “We’re leaving. So, say goodbye to your new friend.” Jessica looked at Ashley and frowned. </p><p>“Why don’t you come chill at my place, it’s right down the street and I can drop you off wherever later… or you know tomorrow morning.” She giggled, her voice high pitched and squeaky. It made Andy’s head hurt. </p><p>Ashley smirked at the offer, “I would love that doll. Guess I’ll see you tomorrow morning then kid.” Ashley said, smiling at the singer. </p><p>Andy didn’t say anything as he brushed past Ashley, making a point of knocking into his shoulder as he passed him. He wasn’t sure what the feeling inside his chest was if it was anger, sadness, heartbreak or just the overwhelming urge to scream. </p><p> The ride back to the motel was thankfully short because he was on the verge of a breakdown. It was too late to get any more alcohol and there was no way he could buy any. He should have gotten a fake ID before the tour. His stomach growled as he stepped out of the van, reminding him that he still hadn’t eaten. </p><p>He looked over at the twenty-four-hour convivence store across the street. He could remember going to the one near his house back in Ohio as a kid when he would get home from school. After a long day of being bullied and made fun of his only comfort would be buying as much junk food as his mom would give him money for and then sitting in his room shoving it down his throat as fast as he could. In the moment it would dull the pain, that was before he discovered the wonders of nicotine and alcohol. It didn’t even matter what it was either, cakes, cookies, chips, candy, ice cream as long as it tasted good, he didn’t care. No wonder he had ballooned up to over 200 lbs. as a kid. </p><p>He bit his nails; it had been so long since the last time he’d allowed himself to indulge. He went over the options in his head, he could always get a few things and eat a little bit of each. Throw the rest away and maybe that would satisfy him. The hunger would stop and then tomorrow he’d be good… </p><p>The bell on the door rang as he pushed it open, all the brightly colored packages were overwhelming. The store clerk was half asleep at the counter, not even noticing that he’d walked in. The nineteen-year-old walked up and down the rows, his mouth watering at all the options. He picked up a few Little Debbie’s, some candy, chips, and a pint of ice cream. </p><p>“Just this, and uh two packs of Marlboro Reds.” Andy paid and took his bag, walking quickly back to the motel, up a flight of stairs and to room 210. </p><p>He slid the key card into the slot, pushing the heavy metal door open and flipping the lights. The room was a bit nicer than the last one they had stayed at last. The singer threw the bag down on one of the beds, flipping the old box television on and finding some random action movie to watch. </p><p>The first bite of ice cream filled his senses and all the anxiety and heartbreak he felt seemed to melt away. It was pure nirvana after days of depriving himself of anything more than stale crackers and diet green tea. His plan to only eat a little went out the window as he started frantically shoving spoonfuls of the sweet goodness into his mouth. Before he knew it, he’d eaten almost everything, his stomach now painfully full. </p><p>He sat still, afraid if he moved it would all come back up. He looked down at the mess of empty wrappers and containers, his heart started to pound in his chest. He had no idea how many calories he’d just consumed but it was somewhere in the thousands, the anxiety flooded back in. </p><p>“Fuck, fuck, fuck” he cursed under his breath, he started to hyperventilate, he had to get rid of it. He couldn’t let it all turn to fat; he couldn’t go back to what he was like as a kid. </p><p> There was only one option, he knew that. He’d promised himself that he wouldn’t do that anymore, the risk of damaging his vocal cords was too high. He had lost control though, and he had to get it back. That’s what all this was about right? Control. </p><p>Ashley wouldn’t be back until morning; he was all alone. It would only take a little bit and then he would be okay. The singer tried to justify it in his mind, his stomach ached so bad, really, he was just trying to feel better. </p><p>He opened the bathroom door, closing it behind him. He took a hairband from his bag on the counter and tied his hair back, avoiding his reflection in the mirror. His bony knees ached as he knelt down in front of the toilet, taking a deep breath and bracing himself for the pain. </p><p>Tears started to fall down his face as he pushed two fingers back into his throat, not stopping until he felt his gag reflex kick in. He never had that much of one, to begin with, something all the men he’d been with seemed to love, but it made moments like this hard. Finally, he pushed his fingers back far enough, feeling the contents of his stomach rising in his throat. Pain radiated through his hand as he scrapped his knuckles on his teeth, pulling his fingers out before getting sick. </p><p>Just a few more times he told himself as he repeated the process again.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. The best promises are those that are meant to be broken</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter five: The best promises are those that are meant to be broken </p><p>Ashley fumbled for his key card outside of the motel door. He had his fun with Jessica but had no interest spending the night with her, she was a quick fuck and nothing more. Better to hit it and leave then have them thinking you might actually care to get to know them. </p><p>He finally found the card and managed to unlock the door. He half expected Andy to already be asleep, but neither bed looked like anyone had slept in them. Ashley’s eyes went to the mess of junk food wrappers on the bed closest to the door. Andy couldn’t possibly have eaten all of that he thought to himself. </p><p>The sound of someone coughing and throwing up emanated from the bathroom. Ashley’s heart skipped a beat as he started to get the full picture. He knew that Andy starved himself, it was obvious to anyone who spent more than a week with him, but in the year, he had known Andy he didn’t think he did…. that. </p><p>Ashley had known girls that had done that. Eat and then make themselves throw it back up, something the bassist couldn’t understand for the life of him. The initial shock had worn off and been replaced with anger. Andy could seriously damage his vocal cords, ruin his voice for good and as a result ruin the band. How could he be so fucking stupid? </p><p>He heard the toilet flush and the water in the sink started to run. A few minutes later Andy’s lanky figured appeared. His face looked extremely pale and his makeup was running in streaks down his face. </p><p>Andy’s heart stopped when he saw Ashley standing by the bed. The fear paralyzed him, and he felt like he couldn’t move, he didn’t know what to say. He could only stand there, completely speechless. </p><p>“I’m going to ask you this one time only. What were you doing in there?” Ashley’s voice was stern and serious. His dark brown eyes were narrowed in a glare focused on the younger man. </p><p>Andy swallowed hard, his throat raw and painful. “I-I think I’m sick.” He lied. </p><p>“You’re such a fucking liar.” Ashley’s voice was full of spite and utter disgust. </p><p>Andy had to get out, maybe if he just ran and didn’t stop, he could run far away from this place. Maybe he’d get lucky and he’d get hit by a fucking semi-truck. He grabbed his phone and key, keeping his head down as he made his way to the door. </p><p>“Oh no the fuck you don’t” Ashley grabbed a hold of him. His back hit the wall sending a wave of pain through his spine and head, Ashley’s fingers dug into his arms as he shook the singer. </p><p> “Why the fuck would you do something so stupid? Do you realize that could ruin your voice forever?!” the older man screamed in his face. </p><p>Andy was too weak to put up a fight, he just let Ashley shake him, keeping him pinned against the wall. “Leave me alone- it’s none of your fucking business what I do.” He cried as more tears slid down his cheeks. </p><p>“It is my business! You’re making me watch you kill yourself, that’s not fair Andy! You don’t do that to people!” Ashley had to take a step back and allow himself to even his breathing. Andy looked shocked at the sudden outburst. </p><p>Ashley had stopped himself short of saying what he really felt. That it was killing him to watch someone he loved try and destroy themselves. More than anyone Ashley was mad at himself; he knew that Andy was hurting. He needed someone to try and save him, but Ashley didn’t know how. He didn’t know how to be what Andy needed and that’s why it was better to cast him away than risk failing him. </p><p>“Why do you care? There are other bands… other singers. Why do you care?” Andy choked out. </p><p>Ashley didn’t know how to answer Andy. He couldn’t tell him the truth; he knew better than to think that things would ever work out between him and Andy. It was all just too complicated, too messy. </p><p> “Why do you care?!” Andy asked again, yelling this time. </p><p>“Stop! Stop asking questions you don’t want the answers to.” The bassist snapped. </p><p>Andy looked away, his blue eyes filled with tears and heartbreak. It was the older man’s absolute kryptonite. The thought of Andy being heartbroken because of him ate him alive. He deserved so much better, so much more than Ashley had to give. </p><p>“Andy… fuck I’m sorry okay? I shouldn’t have blown up at you like that, you’re struggling and it’s not fair.” Ashley sighed as he rubbed the bridge of his nose. </p><p>“I-I hate myself. Ashley, I want to stop doing this shit… it’s fucking hell. Every fucking day it’s just pain and misery…” Andy broke down, his small body shook with each word. </p><p>“Andy… don’t say stuff like that…” </p><p>“Why? It’s true... how could I expect anyone to love me when I can’t even love myself?” </p><p>Ashley’s protective arms wrapped around the sobbing boy as he held him tight. Andy clutched at Ashley’s shirt, not caring that he still smelt like that woman from the bar. He cried in his arms, letting out all the pain and frustration that had been building up inside him. </p><p>“It’s going to be okay doll…” Ashley tried to sooth the poor kid, feeling his own heartbreak. </p><p>Ashley pulled Andy over to his bed, sitting down on the edge of it as he kept the younger man in his arms. He didn’t speak, just rubbed calming circles on Andy’s back, letting him get out everything he’d been holding in. </p><p>Finally, he started to calm down, completely exhausted from the whirlwind of emotions. “Andy… how long have you been doing this?” Ashley asked, afraid to know the answer. </p><p>“Since I was fifteen… I really don’t do this often just a few times…” Andy’s voice was meek and quiet; he was ashamed to have his ugly secret out in the open. </p><p>What if Ashley judged him, thought he was disgusting? Even worse, what if he tried to make him stop? The singer chewed at his lip, not wanting to look at Ashley. “I mostly just try and watch what I eat, I can’t go back to the chubby kid everyone made fun of. Ash… every night it’s like people pick me apart on stage…” </p><p>“Jesus Christ…” Ashley muttered under his breath, four years of doing this to himself, Ashley couldn’t even imagine what that was like. </p><p>“Andy… no one is judging you but yourself. I think you need to get some help; you’re getting way too thin…” There it was, Andy knew he shouldn’t have told Ashley. It wasn’t like he really had a choice, he kind of put two and two together. </p><p> “I don’t want to talk about this.”</p><p>Ashley sighed; he knew better than to push Andy on the issue. Andy was one of the most stubborn people he knew and trying to make him do anything usually produced the opposite result. It would be better just to let the tour end and once they were all home, maybe then he would try his luck at getting Andy to stop. </p><p>“Okay, we won’t talk about it. You should drink some water though, if you get dehydrated it’ll hurt your singing tomorrow.” Andy nodded, getting up so Ashley could get him a glass of water. </p><p>He pressed the cold glass against his lips, sipping on it slowly. Ashley threw out the wrappers and containers that Andy had left on the bed, something Andy should have thought of doing before. If he had, then he could have gotten away with lying about being sick. Of course, it was Ashley’s fault for coming home so early, he thought he had the whole night by himself. </p><p>The bassist came back over to where Andy was still sitting on the edge of the bed. The color had returned to his face for the most part, but he still looked worn out and exhausted. The younger man looked up at him with those crystal blue eyes, sending a shiver down Ashley’s spine. </p><p>He knew the truth; he knew why he had gone home with that girl from the bar. He wanted to ‘prove’ to himself that the night with Andy was nothing more than a mistake, a fluke. It was all just the product of being drunk and curious and not because he might actually not be completely straight. He fucked Jessica twice, and it was nice, it felt good, but he couldn’t get the thought of Andy out of his head. There he was trying to escape the kid, and he found himself wishing that it was Andy’s silky black hair in his fist, that it was his pale white flesh underneath him. </p><p>Andy was just different; he had never experienced a passion like that before. He didn’t understand how Andy couldn’t see how absolutely breathtaking he was. </p><p>The singer’s eyes seemed like they were searching for something, his pale pink lips were parted slightly, and Ashley wanted nothing more than to push him back against the bed and kiss them. He wanted those perfect long legs wrapped around him, to hear his moans and screams for more… </p><p>It took the man a second to realize that Andy was talking to him, having to pull himself out of his fantasy. “Do you want to take a shower first?” he asked. </p><p>“Oh um… no, you go ahead. I can wait.” </p><p>Andy stood up, feeling unsteady on his feet. He felt lightheaded and dizzy, having to sit back down to avoid passing out. Ashley noticed, raising an eyebrow and asking if he was okay. Andy knew the consequences of pushing his body to the limits. Abusing alcohol and cigarettes, not eating right and abusing his body on stage had taken a toll on him. He’d probably end up crashing and sleeping for an entire week when they got home. That’s what happened on the last one. </p><p>“Here, I’ll help you.” Ashley offered his hand; it took swallowing his pride for Andy to take it. He hated needing help and god knows he would never ask for it. </p><p>Ashley led him into the bathroom, keeping his hand on the small of his back for balance. The singer leaned against the counter and watched Ashley start the water allowing it to warm up. “We could always shower together; I don’t want you passing out from the heat.” </p><p>Andy wondered if Ashley could be any more obvious. The audacity of the man to make a move when not more than two hours ago he was balls deep in some random chick he met at the show. He couldn’t understand why Ashley would break his heart, tell him they needed to have boundaries and that he wasn’t interested in him then this. Either Ashley was lying to himself or this was the cruelest joke anyone had ever played on him. </p><p>“Is that a good idea? I thought we needed to establish boundaries?” Andy said, his tone taking on a bitter twinge. </p><p>He turned around, peeling his shirt off, glancing up to watch Ashley’s reaction in the mirror. If Ashley wanted to play unfair then he would too. The older man’s eyes were glued to his naked back, it was like a predator about to go in for the attack. </p><p>Andy wrapped one of the folded up white towels around his waist before letting his belt, underwear, and pants drop to the floor. Ashley swallowed hard, feeling the front of his jeans grow too tight. He knew that his next moves were crucial if he made the wrong one things would be worse than before. He couldn’t brush off the same actions twice as just being a fluke. </p><p>Andy’s heart raced in his chest as he stepped towards the shower, his eyes on Ashley to see what he would do. He wasn’t sure what he wanted him to do, he would be lying if he said that he didn’t want a repeat of the other night. Andy craved the validation it brought with it, that he was desirable to someone like Ashley. Just like the alcohol, it made him forget everything and for a moment feel something other than sadness. </p><p>“Boundaries… yeah.” Ashley finally responded. </p><p>He watched as Andy dropped the towel, stepping into the shower and pulling the curtains across, obscuring any view he had. It was so simple, all he had to do was walk back out into the room, force the image of him fucking Andy against the shower out of his head and go the fuck to sleep. He willed his legs to move but they were stuck in place, his cock aching in his pants despite having been satisfied twice already. </p><p>What was the point? They had already passed that line, did it really matter how many times they did? Things would never go back to the way they were that was a fucking pipe dream and they both knew it. Things could blow up in their faces, it could all end tomorrow and so what was the point of being good? Ashley undressed, his clothes joining the pile of Andy’s on the floor. </p><p>Nothing he could do about his half-hard cock, no hiding that. He pulled the shower curtain back just enough to step in, the steam from the water filling his lungs. Andy’s back was to him as he washed the shampoo out of his hair. </p><p>Andy glanced over his shoulder at the man standing behind him, so much for boundaries. Ashley pressed himself against the boy, wrapping his arms around Andy’s torso. The singer leaned into him, feeling his erection press against his wet skin. Ashley’s hands slide up Andy’s waist, one hand wrapping around his throat with a grip just tight enough to show his dominance. </p><p>Ashley captured Andy’s lips with his, the kiss was slow and passionate. Andy’s heart skipped a beat, it wasn’t the fast and raw kind of kiss that they’d had the first time. The grip around his neck tightened making him moan into the kiss. </p><p>“You’re so fucking beautiful it drives me crazy.” The older man whispered in his ear. </p><p>He pushed Andy up against the side of the shower, using his knee to spread his legs a bit. The shower tile felt cold against Andy’s flushed cheek, he had to hold back the urge to moan as Ashley rubbed his hips. </p><p>Ashley’s cock was rock hard as he kissed up and down the singer’s neck, leaving hickeys and bite marks. He knew he’d regret this in the morning, but he couldn’t resist anymore. Jessica had just been an appetizer; she couldn’t compare to this. </p><p>Small moans escaped Andy’s lips as Ashley worked a finger into him, letting him get used to it before adding another. He wanted to tell him to stop holding back, to scream his name. That wouldn’t be the best idea considering the rest of the band was in the next room over. Not a conversation he wanted to have. </p><p>“Fuck me” Andy whispered, sending a shiver down Ashley’s spine. </p><p> “Mm, you sure you’re ready babe?” he purred, pressing the tip of his cock against Andy’s entrance.  </p><p>“Y-Yes” Andy gasped, bracing himself. </p><p>“Goddamn you’re so fucking tight” Ashley moaned as he pushed into the younger man, the feeling of heat around his cock overwhelming him as he slowly started to move his hips. </p><p>Andy felt lightheaded from the combination of pain, exhaustion, and heat. He braced his hands against the shower wall, focusing on the waves of pleasure that coursed through his body each time Ashley hit his prostate. The man’s thrusts started to quicken as he built a rhythm, his nails digging into Andy’s hips hard enough to bruise. </p><p>He felt a hand wrap around his own hard-on, the familiar ache in his gut starting to build as Ashley pumped him along with his thrusts. All the anxiety, sadness and darkness started to slip from his mind as euphoria replaced them. He surrendered himself over to the feeling, not caring who heard him as he let out loud moans. </p><p>“Mm, that’s right baby I want to hear how good it feels” Ashley purred in his ear, feeling his own climax starting to build. </p><p>“F-Fuck don’t stop I’m gonna c-cum” Andy moaned. </p><p>Ashley kept his rhythm up, pumping the singer’s cock along with his thrusts. Andy’s muscles clenched around him as the younger man started to climax, releasing over Ash’s hand. </p><p>“That’s it, baby, come for me” he whispered as Andy’s body shook. </p><p>The feeling of Andy tightening around him was all he needed to push him over the edge. His thrust became erratic before coming deep inside the other man. Andy groaned as Ash carefully pulled out, pushing his wet hair back. </p><p>Ashley slapped Andy’s ass, his heart still pounding in his chest. The ecstasy of his orgasm subsided, leaving the older man slightly disgusted with himself. He watched as Andy wrapped a towel around himself, stepping out of the shower without a word. Andy was clearly into it; he hadn’t taken advantage of him when he was vulnerable had he? </p><p>Andy dried off, slipping a pair of sweatpants on. He lit a cigarette, inhaling deeply and hoping that the nicotine would stop the shaky feeling. He seemed incapable of making any good decisions it seemed.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Hell Is A Long Way Down</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter Six: Hell is a long way down </p><p>Andy hadn’t done much since the tour came to an end. A week had come and gone, and the singer had only ventured out a hand full of times to get more cigarettes. Things always got worse after tours, the one reason he had every day to get out of bed was gone. No more screaming fans to please every night, and no more people around him constantly which at least gave him the illusion of not being completely alone. </p><p>It came as no surprise, both because of what had happened between them but also because the younger man was convinced the universe lives to torture him, that Ashley had said it would probably be better if Andy stayed with Jake and the rest of the guys. Andy had been staying with Ashley since almost the start of the band, Ashley had a nice place and an extra bedroom, and they had pretty much hit it off from the start, so it had made sense. </p><p>It was shocking how much things could change in the span of just a few weeks. Ashley had said it was just temporary, he’d made an excuse about just needing some time by himself before the next tour started up. So, Andy had to trade his little bedroom with the hand-crafted bed frame and matching dresser for a cheap mattress on the floor of some cockroach-infested apartment. Jake and Jinxx had gotten the place for dirt cheap and clearly neither of them cared enough to try and fix it up. No use painting trash gold. </p><p>Andy stared at the posters he’d taped up to the bare walls of what was more of a closet than a room. His back ached from sleeping on the thin mattress that he was pretty sure had been left by the previous tenants. He could hear Jake yelling at the TV in the next room, completely absorbed in whatever video game he was playing. </p><p>The singer lifted the bottle of wine he was working his way through to his lips, letting the bittersweet liquid run down his throat. He had no interest in being sober, a lot of people would insist that his drinking was getting out of hand, that it would harm his health. To him, being sober was more dangerous, that’s when the darkness could creep into his mind. It poisoned his thoughts with things he knew he couldn’t tell anyone. </p><p>Things like he’d be better off dead. How easy it would be if he just got up the courage to do it. His family would mourn him, it would be hard on his mom. The band too, or at least maybe Sandra would shed a tear, but everyone would move on. The fans would be devastated but eventually, they would move onto the next thing, the next guy in tight jeans and a halfway decent band. There would be no seismic shift in the world, here today, gone tomorrow. He could probably get his hands on some pills…</p><p>He didn’t want anything violent, nothing that could be painful. The thought of falling asleep and never waking up, however, was becoming an increasingly comforting idea. </p><p>Andy was so lost in thought that he didn’t even hear Jake open his door. “Dude? Are you really that drunk?” the guitarist laughed, standing in front of him. </p><p>“Unfortunately, no, sorry I was just daydreaming.”  “Well get up and get ready, there’s a party at this dude’s house. Jinxx and I are both going, I’m pretty sure Ash and Sandra are too which means you’ve got to come along.” </p><p>Andy’s heart skipped a beat when Jake mentioned Ashley’s name. I guess so much for his wanting to have time to himself and relax before tour. Andy hated parties, and that wasn’t a secret he kept to himself. Jake knew he didn’t like them, but he also knew that the prospect of free alcohol normally won the younger man over. </p><p>He’d never been invited to parties in high school, and the thought of a whole bunch of people crowded into one place while music blared filled him with anxiety. Nothing made his skin crawl more than being forced to interact with strangers. Everyone was so fake, trying to impress people they’d probably never see again, pretending to be something they’re not. Superficial and meaningless. </p><p>If it meant that he could get wasted for free though, he wasn’t about to pass it up. Then, of course, there was the possibility of seeing Ashley. He hadn’t seen him since the last day of tour when they got back to L.A. His heart ached at the thought of seeing him again, being reminded of everything they’d lost. A small part of his heart hoped that maybe Ashley would see through the tough façade and invite him back… back home. </p><p>“So, are you coming or what? Cause Jinxx and I are leaving soon if you’re coming with us.”   “Yeah, just give me some time to get ready.” Andy groaned, sitting up at the protest of his back. </p><p>Andy showered, fixed his hair and makeup and dug some clothes out of the suitcase on his floor. The previously tight black skinny jeans were now slightly loose, he’d lost more weight. The realization temporarily lifted his mood. Of course, he’d barely eaten anything since he’d been at Jake’s. No one was around to keep track of him if he stayed in his room and consumed nothing but alcohol and cigarettes, no one cared. </p><p>He was starting to feel the effects of his self-destruction, his muscles ached, his bones hurt, and his brain felt like it was constantly in a haze that no amount of sleep could lift. Crashing and burning but too apathetic to stop. </p><p>--</p><p>Andy regretted taking Jake’s invitation almost immediately. He had no idea who’s house they were at, some guy named CC was all Jake had said. The place was overflowing with random people Andy had never met before as well as others he’d hoped he’d never see again. A couple of people had tried to strike up a conversation with him, especially some of the notorious band whores that frequented these parties. </p><p>The introverted singer was currently on his third cup of whatever concoction the hosts had brewed up. It tasted strongly of whiskey with only a hint of Mountain Dew, but it was doing the trick of getting him drunk. He watched in silence from a couch in the corner of the room as people danced and grinded against each other. </p><p>Jake and Jinxx had disappeared into the sea of people and apparently Sandra had decided to spend the night with her girlfriend instead of attending. Andy was starting to think Ashley had also bailed on coming, it’d been almost two hours and he hadn’t seen any sign of the older man. </p><p>The anxiety was building up inside Andy, reaching a fever pitch as the lights and music started to feel overwhelming. It was too much stimulation, too loud, too hot, too many people. His stomach felt uneasy, the booze not sitting well with the wine he’d drank earlier. He needed to escape… </p><p>Ashley walked up the steps to the apartment number Jake had texted him. It was quite obvious from the drunk people sitting out on the lawn and the fact that the building was shaking from the bass that he was in the right place. He’d considered not coming, just staying in for the night, maybe texting a girl to come over. </p><p>He halfway regretted forcing Andy to stay with Jake. He’d really grown accustomed to seeing Andy every day, the singer had a way of lighting up the room that was memorizing. He kept telling himself it was for the best; it was becoming harder for him to deny his feelings for the younger man and so he had to distance himself in the hopes they would diminish. So far that wasn’t working but maybe with more time. </p><p>Ashley found himself worrying about Andy more than he was when they were on tour. After walking in on him the night he’d made himself sick he couldn’t shake the concern for the kid’s health. He knew that being off tour was hard on the kid and that odds were he’d just been moping around Jake’s and withering away. He didn’t want to admit it, but the main reason he’d decided to go to the party was that he wanted to check on Andy. </p><p>He wanted to verify that Andy hadn’t turned into a ghost, that he was still living and breathing. A sweep through the apartment didn’t settle that fear, Andy was nowhere to be found. He did run into Jake and Jinxx but neither of them knew where the singer was. It wouldn’t surprise Ash if he’d dipped, perhaps that was best. </p><p>He should just find himself the best-looking chick here, bang her brains out in the bathroom and forget about Andy. Ashley grabbed a drink and made his way out onto the back porch. His eyes focused on a tall but thin figure braced against the railing. Black leather jacket and skinny jeans with long black hair obscuring the view of his face. </p><p>Andy had made a beeline for the back door, thankfully finding himself alone on the porch. His whole body shook from the panic that was spilling over. His head spun as he gripped the sides of the railing so hard his knuckles turned white. He didn’t even notice the person standing by the door as he tried to keep the alcohol from coming back up. </p><p>His stomach lurched forward causing him to gag, the shaking only getting worse. He felt someone brush his hair back, the scent of cologne heavy in the air. The singer’s heart skipped a beat as he felt the man’s tattooed fingers rubbing calming circles through his jacket. </p><p>“Are you okay? Did you drink too much or something?” Ashley’s cool voice asked. </p><p> Andy shook his head, the nauseous feeling having yet to pass. He took a couple of deep breaths through his nose, trying to stop the shaking his hands. Despite everything that had gone down between him and Ashley and all the heartbreak, his presence was calming.</p><p>“Is it the people?”   “I-It was just too much…” Andy finally spoke. </p><p>Ashley knew about Andy’s anxiety, how parties and social gatherings caused him to have panic attacks. He knew Andy tried to hide it, and he let him live under the delusion that no one noticed, but Ashley did. He’d seen the way Andy would keep to himself, hands nervously fidgeting and always drinking until he could bare socializing.  </p><p>“It’s okay kid, do you feel better now?” </p><p>“Yeah... I just needed to catch my breath is all.” Once again Andy tried to put the façade up, playing like he wasn’t so close to the breaking point. </p><p>Ashley looked him over, Andy had lost even more weight since he’d seen him last. Something that the bassist didn’t think was possible, his normally glowing porcelain skin was dull and lifeless. He could see that he was trying to hide the dark circles under his eyes with makeup and his crystal blue eyes seemed to be devoid of emotion. It broke Ashley’s heart, he felt his chest tighten at the realization that he was partly to blame for the singer’s current decline. If he hadn’t forced him out, then at least he’d be able to keep an eye on him. Prevent him from self-destructing to the point of no return, which Andy seemed intent on doing. </p><p>“Andy, are you doing okay?”   “I’m fine Ash. You don’t have to worry about me.” Andy lied, holding back tears that were threatening to fall. </p><p>“You don’t look fine; you look like a ghost. When was the last time you ate something decent and got proper sleep?” </p><p>Andy shrugged, looking down at his boots. Isn’t this what he wanted? Didn’t he want Ashley to see how horrible things had been for him since he’d been forced out? </p><p> “Come on, let’s get out of here,” Ashley said, putting an arm around Andy’s shoulder and pulling him towards the back entrance where his car was parked. </p><p>Andy didn’t protest, the alcohol in his system hit him all at once as he sat down in the passenger seat of Ashley’s car. His head spun as he realized he’d certainly had too much. Ashley got in the driver’s seat and started the engine up, glancing over at the boy next to him. </p><p>“Where are we going?” Andy asked, his words slurred. </p><p>“Home.” Ashley pulled out onto the main road, careful not to hit any of the other cars before hitting the gas. </p><p>“Are you dropping me off at Jake’s?”   “No. We’re going to my house.” </p><p>Andy leaned his seat back, feeling too dizzy to sit upright. “I thought you didn’t want me there.” </p><p>“It’s not that I don’t want you there Andy… it’s just that I have some things I need to figure out by myself.” Ashley said, carefully choosing each word. </p><p>Andy almost blacked out before they made it to Ashley’s place, having to fight to keep his eyes open. The older man helped him out of the car, alarmed at how light Andy felt as he guided him inside. The singer stumbled to the couch, laying down with his face in the cushions.  </p><p>Ashley sat down on the edge of the couch, playing with Andy’s silky black hair. “If I make you something to eat will you actually eat it?” </p><p>“Would it m-make you happy?” Andy’s eyes opened to look up at the bassist. It was quite clear that Andy was absolutely wasted. </p><p>“It would.”   “Mm then maybe a little bit.” </p><p>Ashely smiled and propped Andy up on his side before disappearing into the kitchen to fix him a sandwich. Andy managed to eat half of it, but his eyes kept threatening to close, his body desperate for sleep. </p><p>“Come on, we should get you upstairs and in bed.” Ashley sighed, having to practically pick the singer up and carry him up the wooden stairs. </p><p>Ashley bit his lip when they got to the top of the stairs. His eyes darted between the door to the guest bedroom that Andy had been staying in and his own. He knew which was the smartest option, Andy should be in his own bed, and when he woke up the next day he could go back to Jake’s. Nothing would happen and the older man could continue to push any feelings he had for the singer into the back of his mind where they would hopefully be forgotten. </p><p>“Mm... I don’t have anything to sleep in.” Andy slurred, starting to lose consciousness. “I’ll give you one of my shirts and you can sleep in that,” Ashley replied, cursing himself as he made a decision he knew he’d regret. </p><p>It was a bit of a balancing act to hold Andy up and also get his bedroom door open. He guided the younger man over to the neatly made bed, letting him collapse onto it. Andy’s crystal blue eyes fluttered open as he looked around, slowly propping himself up on his elbows. </p><p>“We’re in your room?” Andy stated, seemingly confused. </p><p>“Yeah… I uh… I was washing the sheets in the guest room and forgot to make the bed. So, you can just sleep in here tonight.” Ashley lied, there was nothing wrong with the guest bed, he didn’t want to admit the truth. That he had missed Andy greatly, that he was scared of losing the singer and as long as Andy was in his bed… he was safe. </p><p>“Oh, okay… are you sleeping in here too?” Andy asked, raising an eyebrow.</p><p>“Yeah… I mean you’re also really drunk, I want to make sure you’re okay.” Ashley handed Andy one of his old t-shirts, turning his back as Andy took his clothes off and slipped it on. </p><p>The bassist glanced over his shoulder; Andy was laying on the bed his thin pale legs almost glowing from the moonlight seeping through the curtains. The black makeup around his eyes was smeared slightly and his silky black hair clearly needed to be brushed. His eyes were on Ashley as the older man slipped into a pair of sweatpants. </p><p>He sat on the edge of the bed, gently stroking Andy’s hair back out of his face. </p><p>Andy looked so beautiful and it made Ashley’s heart ache. The poor boy tried so hard to make everyone believe he was this invincible, grown-up tough guy who had it all together. Behind all that was a scared and lost child who still had so much growing up to do. </p><p>He helped Andy under the covers before slipping into bed beside him. The poor kid was so lost, looking for the love and acceptance he never found in Ohio. Ashley knew he was bad news for Andy, he didn’t trust himself not to break the fragile boy and he would never forgive himself if he did. That’s why he tried to keep Andy at a distance, hoping that one day the singer would realize that. </p><p>That was becoming increasingly harder. Ashley couldn’t take watching Andy self-destruct. He needed to learn the lessons that come with growing up and fame on his own, but how do you watch someone so beautiful drowning and not try and save them? </p><p>Ashley pulled the boy closer, pressing a kiss to his forehead. Andy’s eyes opened for a brief second before closing again. “Andy, why do you do this to yourself?” Ashley whispered, not expecting a response. </p><p>“Because I hate myself…”  he mumbled, half asleep. </p><p>“How can you possibly hate yourself… when I love you so much…” Ashley whispered, knowing Andy didn’t hear him. Sleep had already come to take him away.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry for the long delay in chapters, school has been really demanding and then everything has been crazy with COVID-19. I hope everyone is safe and healthy.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Your Heart Was the Causality</h2></a>
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    <p>Chapter Seven: Your Heart Was the Causality  </p><p>Andy laid against the cool tile of the bathroom floor, too weak to move. The last thing he remembered was going outside to get some air at the party and then it was all black. He’d woken up in Ashley’s bed, but he was alone, the older man had gotten up already. </p><p>He cursed under his breath and laid his arm over his eyes, blocking the sun coming in through the small bathroom window. Waking up hungover had become a daily occurrence for the singer, but he had gone way past his normal limit the previous night. His head was pounding in his skull and despite nothing being left in his stomach he still felt nauseous. </p><p>What made things even worse was that he couldn’t remember no matter how hard he tried to recall what happened after Ashley had taken him home. Did they have sex, or did he just pass out? Why hadn’t Ashley put him in the guest bed where he’d been staying? </p><p>The sound of boots clicking on the hard floor forced Andy to open his eyes. Ashley stood in the doorway, a look of concern on his face as he peered down at the suffering boy. </p><p>“You need to drink this.” He stated, handing a bottle of Gatorade to the singer. </p><p>Andy pushed himself off the floor, letting his backrest against the wall. He rubbed his temples, feeling dizzy from the change in position. “Goddamn, how much did I fucking drink last night?”   </p><p>“Uh… quite a bit.” Ashley chuckled, kneeling down beside Andy. </p><p>“Fuck… I feel like I’m dying.” </p><p>Ashley bit his lip, looking the singer over. Andy looked so pale and fragile, it physically pained him to see the kid in pain. He’d woken up a few hours before Andy did and had spent the better part of the morning going back and forth between letting Andy come back or sending him back to Jake’s. He had gone to the party for the sole reason of checking on Andy, and as much as he’d hoped to see Andy doing well it was quite clear he was falling. </p><p>The bassist was getting increasingly worried about not only Andy’s physical health but his mental state. He knew how hard it was on Andy to come home for tour, how he’d go on drinking binges, and sleep for days, no longer having a reason to get up every day. </p><p>If he allowed Andy to come back… then he’d be able to keep an eye on him. “Andy… do you want to come back?”</p><p>“What do you mean?” Andy asked, pushing his tangled hair back out of his face. </p><p>“I mean do you want to start staying here again, or would you rather stay at Jake’s. It’s up to you…” </p><p>The singer just stared back at the older man, he tried again to remember the events of the previous night. The last he remembered Ashley didn’t want anything to do with him and now he was letting him come back? Andy opened his mouth to say yes before pausing, anger bubbling up inside his chest. </p><p>“You’re asking if I want to come back after you kicked me out and made me sleep on the floor of Jake’s apartment?” he asked, spite heavy in his voice. </p><p>Ashley winced at Andy’s bitter tone, he had to admit he thought that Andy would come running back even though he’d tried to push him away. He looked into the younger man’s eyes, they seemed so much colder now, like something vital in him had died. It scared Ashley, he remembered the sweet innocent kid so full of life and hope that had shown up at his doorstep. Then again, perhaps he was wrong, maybe that kid was just another one of Andy’s many characters he paraded around. </p><p>“Andy… I didn’t mean to upset you. I just needed some time to myself, alright? Now please… come back home.” </p><p>Andy’s heart skipped a beat at the last word. Home; something he’d been searching for his whole life. Home didn’t exist in Ohio and it didn’t exist in any of the sleazy motels littered across the highways. Ashley had felt like home, he’d been the closest thing Andy had ever known. In one drunken night, that home had been shattered though, and could it ever truly be rebuilt? </p><p>“Okay…” Andy whispered. </p><p>Ashley smiled softly, “I’ll take you over to Jake’s so you can pick up your car and suitcases in a bit. Why don’t you get ready and I’ll make something for lunch, then we can go?”. </p><p>Andy nodded, carefully pushing himself up off the bathroom floor, holding onto the counter as a wave of dizziness came over him. He looked back over to Ashley, but the older man was already gone, his boots clicking as he made his way downstairs. Andy sighed and looked at his rough reflection in the mirror. His black eye makeup was smeared and running down his cheeks, his hair desperately needed to be washed and brushed and his skin looked so pale and lifeless. </p><p>‘You got to pull yourself together’ he tried to mentally tell himself, icy blue eyes staring back at him. If he was going to move back in with Ashley then he’d have someone watching him, no more staying in bed till dinner nursing a bottle of wine. He groaned, pushing his tangled black hair back. </p><p>Andy rounded the corner to the kitchen, the smell of various spices and herbs filling the air. Ashley was tending to something on the stove, he didn’t notice the singer’s presence until Andy cleared his throat. </p><p>“I made you a grilled cheese, it’s on the counter.” The bassist said, glad to see that Andy looked slightly more alive now that he was cleaned up. </p><p>Andy fluffed his hair, a known nervous twitch of his that was a dead giveaway that he was uncomfortable. Ash had expected the reaction, Andy looked like he’d lost a good ten pounds since the tour had ended so clearly, he hadn’t been eating well at Jake’s. </p><p>“I’m not really hungry… my stomach is still uneasy.”   “And you’ll feel better after you get something to eat and drink, trust me,” Ashley remarked, fixing his own plate of food and grabbing a beer from the fridge. </p><p>Andy leaned against the counter, picking at the crust, his eyes on Ashley. </p><p>“Listen, I would love to have you back in the house. It’s actually been kind of lonely without you here, but there are rules.” </p><p>“Oh?” Andy raised his eyebrow. </p><p>“I don’t know what’s going on with you, and I’m not going to try and pry it out of you if you don’t want to talk about it. But you’ve got to start taking care of yourself, that means no more binge drinking all day, eating properly, and processing whatever is going on with you in a healthier way.” Ashley said it so casually, but Andy could tell that it wasn’t a request, it was an order. </p><p>“And if I don’t?”   “I told you before, I’m not going to watch you self-destruct. Things are going well for the band, but that will all end if you can’t keep it together Andy. Do you think the fans aren’t going to start to notice? The record labels?” </p><p>Andy bit his lip; he knew that Ashley was right. He’d already started to hear whispers online about whether or not he was okay. The video from Iowa didn’t help either as a few fans had made comments that they could tell he was wasted. The fear of losing that illusion of perfection ate away at the young singer. He’d worked so hard to build it up and now here he was tearing it down. </p><p>“I know… okay. I’m working on it.”</p><p>“Listen I don’t care if you smoke and drink, but don’t get blackout wasted at noon okay? And I better not catch you making yourself sick ever again, got it?” </p><p>“I told you… that’s not a regular thing.” </p><p>“Then we’re good,” Ashley said, smiling but not trusting Andy for a second. If he’d learned anything about the kid, it was that he could be very manipulative and could lie to your face without you even knowing it. He’d trust Andy when his actions matched his words. </p><p>Andy slowly ate the food that Ash had made him, trying to play it off like he wasn’t actually that hungry despite the fact that his whole body was crying out for something other than alcohol and nicotine. It seemed to appease Ashley enough which meant hopefully the lectures could stop. </p><p>It wasn’t that Andy wasn’t aware of his self-destructive coping mechanisms, he was more than aware of them, it was that he just didn’t care anymore. It was almost a sick game; how far could he push himself before he literally collapsed? How much pain and suffering could he endure? </p><p>Ashley kept an eye on Andy, relieved that he was actually eating instead of putting up a fight. He wished he could see inside the kid’s head, all the things he was too afraid to admit about himself, all the fears and emotions he tried to keep from surfacing. </p><p>The words he had whispered to Andy the previous night kept replaying in the older man’s head. Clearly, Andy didn’t remember much, and Ashley wasn’t sure whether he was grateful for that or not. He’d said it before thinking, and it was the first time he actually admitted it out loud. He’d spent the past year running from what it meant, at the determent of Andy. </p><p>Ashley was so lost in thought that he didn’t realize that Andy’s eyes were on him. The singer bit at his plump bottom lip, another nervous habit he had. He pushed his long black hair to the side, looking down at his feet before back up at Ashley. </p><p>“We should probably go get your stuff from Jake’s…” Ashley said to break the awkward silence. </p><p>Andy nodded, turning and walking towards the front door as the older man followed behind him. Ashley started to second guess his decision to let Andy come back, was that really the best move? Could he actually resist him after everything that happened on the last tour? Did he even want to?</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Crimson</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter Eight: Crimson </p><p>Andy’s lips were painted in a crimson red, perfectly accentuating the fullness of them, making them stand out in stark contrast to his pale skin. Crystal blue eyes with heavy dark eye makeup watched with utter amusement as the women on stage spun around poles. He sat back in his chair, sipping some alcoholic concoction that he’d managed to get despite being underage. Ashley was oblivious to the naked women on stage, his full attention on the singer. Andy was wearing a pair of impossibly black skinny jeans with only a leather jacket covering his slim torso. He looked absolutely mesmerizing.  </p><p>His eyes darted over to Ashley, his lips curling upward in a slight smile before turning his attention to his phone. It had been about two weeks since Andy had moved back into the older man’s house, and so far, things were going alright. Andy was obeying the rules Ashley had laid out for the most part, although the drinking still had room for improvement, and Ashley had managed to resist the temptation to make another mistake. </p><p>They would be back on tour in a few days which seemed to have at least temporarily lifted Andy’s spirits or at least given him a reason to get out of bed. </p><p>It was Jake’s idea to go to the strip club to celebrate their first decent headlining tour. They would have their own bus, and even a new drummer as Sandra had parted ways with the band. Everyone had come along, although clearly it was Jake and CC who were enjoying themselves the most as they sat by the stage practically drooling. Ashley had banged most of the strippers at the joint at some point, so the novelty of them had worn off. Besides, there was no use paying for something you’d already seen before. At least that was the lie he was currently telling himself as to why he didn’t find the beautiful women dancing around interesting enough to hold his attention. </p><p>He was actually surprised that Andy tagged along, clearly, he didn’t find the women appealing in the same way that the rest of the guys did, but when Jake mentioned it, he played along like he wanted to go. </p><p>The bassist wondered if Andy ever got tired of pretending to be so many different things, for so many different people. He liked to think that he had seen more of the ‘real’ Andy than most, but he wasn’t sure if that was true. Perhaps Andy was just playing the character that he thought Ashley wanted, maybe the past ‘good’ week had just all been a carefully constructed act by the world’s best director. </p><p>Andy tipped his drink back, finishing the rest of whatever the fuck some chick had bought him. One of the dancers made her way over to him, her long blonde hair swaying as she walked on impossibly high heels. The singer mentally tried to redirect her, hoping that she was going over to some other guy at the crowded club, someone who would actually give a shit. Her honey brown eyes were clearly set on the young Rockstar though as she came to a stop in front of him. </p><p>“Hey baby, care for a dance?” she purred. </p><p>Andy forced a cocky smile, propping his elbows on the chair rests and leaning in. “Mm, I don’t think that’s a good idea, but my manager over there could probably use one.” He nodded over to John. </p><p>“I see, what is it? You got a girl at home?” the dancer pouted. </p><p>“Something like that.” Andy chuckled, relieved when the woman turned around towards Jake. </p><p>He was starting to think that he shouldn’t have come, how exhausting it was trying to pretend like the fake tits and G-strings did anything for him. The last thing he needed was for anyone to notice, Hollywood is a small place and it’s a dog eat dog world. The bigger the band got it seemed like the more people were standing at the ready to cut him down the second they had a chance. </p><p>He glanced over at Ashley again, surprised that the older man wasn’t right there next to the other guys, completely absorbed in the lude display. The singer had half expected a repeat of what happened on tour those fateful nights, but Ashley hadn’t made any move or shown any interest since he’d been back. </p><p>It hurt the younger man that maybe it had just been a meaningless fling. Maybe Ashley was just curious and had gotten whatever he wanted out of it, never to repeat it again. Andy was grateful that their friendship seemed at least somewhat intact, but he couldn’t forget the way kissing him had made his heart skip a beat. </p><p>Things could be worse, Ashley seemed to be buying his ‘I’m okay’ façade, even though Andy was far from it. He knew he was just spiraling towards another crash, the last one narrowly avoided but at least for now, the waters were calm. </p><p>The alcohol was starting to hit him, his anxieties and worries fading away as he slipped into the blissfulness of intoxication. </p><p>Ashley could feel his willpower starting to fade, maybe it was the product of resisting what it is he wanted for the past two weeks or maybe it was the several shots of whiskey, but he knew he was close to his breaking point. The only thing stopping him was knowing that taking what he wanted was mutual destruction of him and Andy both. He couldn’t condemn them to that fate or the rest of the band. </p><p>“Ash...?” Andy’s deep voice broke his train of thought. </p><p>“Mm, yeah Six?”   </p><p>“Will you get me another drink?” the singer motioned to his empty glass. </p><p>Ashley chuckled, he kept forgetting that Andy was only nineteen and couldn’t buy his own, or maybe he just didn’t want to pay for another drink. “Why should I?” Ashley asked, smirking. </p><p>Andy groaned, rolling his eyes “Because you want me to have a good time?”. </p><p>“A good time? Because you’re so clearly interested in what’s going on considering you’ve been engulfed in your phone for the past hour.”   </p><p>“So, you were watching me?” Andy teased, not missing a beat. </p><p>Ashley felt his face heat up at being caught, even though Andy was clearly joking. “Fine, I’ll get you another drink, but you owe me back.” </p><p>Andy smiled, “Seagram’s 7 and mountain dew.” </p><p>Ashley shook his head as he got up and made his way over to the bar to order Andy’s drink. The woman making drinks was so busy she didn’t even notice Ashley pass it off to him. </p><p>The singer swayed a bit as he walked around, drink in hand. </p><p>The front of Ashley’s jeans was starting to feel too tight as his eyes kept going down to the small of Andy’s exposed back. He cursed to himself, telling himself he needed to pull it together. It was getting late and the club would close soon, he should probably get Andy back to the house and go the fuck to sleep. </p><p>Andy ended up wandering into the back of the club to where the private rooms were located. Mostly he was looking to get away from the throngs of people, prying eyes and blaring pop music. Ashley followed him absent-mindedly, drunker than he had intended to get and honestly glad to be in a quieter place. </p><p>The singer collapsed onto the couch in one of the vacant rooms, his long silky hair falling down over his face. Ashley closed the door behind himself, leaning back against the wall as he tried to clear the alcohol-induced haze that had descend on his brain. </p><p>“You know we’re not supposed to be back here right? They’re going to close soon.”   </p><p>“Who cares? I want to lay down.” Andy replied, turning over on his back. </p><p>Ashley made his way over to the couch, sitting down beside his intoxicated bandmate. Andy rested his head on Ashley’s lap, bright blue eyes staring up at him. </p><p>The bassist licked his bottom lip, his eyes wandering over the younger man’s figure. Andy’s red lips were parted slightly, causing the older man’s brain to send red-alert signals that he desperately needed to get out of the situation he was in or there would be consequences. </p><p>“I’m glad you’ve uh… been doing better. I don’t know if I told you that…” Ashley said, brushing a few locks of Andy’s hair out of his face. </p><p>“Thanks… just following your rules you know…” </p><p>Ashely’s hand lingered at Andy’s jaw, cupping it gently, his thumb grazing the bottom of Andy’s lip. “Fuck…” he whispered under his breath. </p><p>Andy leaned into Ashley’s tattooed hand; his eyes focused on the older man. He could see the hunger in Ash’s eyes, he wasn’t sure it was still there, but it was. The validation it brought felt good, Andy craved it. The bassist’s grip on his jaw tightened. </p><p>“Goddamn it Andy…” Ashley groaned, knowing he’d reached the end of his rope of being able to deny it any longer. Two weeks was a good streak. </p><p>“What?” Andy played dumb, sitting up and tilting his head to the side. </p><p>“Fucking tease.” Ashley pulled Andy into his lap, kissing him deeply. Their lips moved together as he moved his hands down to Andy’s hip bones, rubbing them with his thumbs. </p><p>Andy cupped Ashley’s face in his hands, his lipstick smearing as he kissed up and down the older man’s jaw leaving red kiss marks. “Do you want me?” Andy whispered in between gasps and kisses. </p><p>“What the fuck do you think I’ve been trying to resist for the past two weeks?” Ashley growled, tugging Andy’s jacket off and letting it fall to the ground. </p><p>Andy’s hands found their way down to Ashley’s jeans, undoing his belt and zipper to allow the older man’s cock free. “Well, then I’ll have to make it worth the wait,” Andy replied, getting down onto his knees in front of Ash. </p><p>Ashley eyed Andy with lust as the singer took him into his mouth, the feeling causing Ash’s hips to buckle. He laced his fingers in Andy’s hair, guiding his head and holding it down. Ashley let out a low moan as he felt himself hit the back of Andy’s throat. </p><p>All he could think about was how fucking perfect Andy looked, those beautiful lips wrapped around his cock. Andy was incredible, far more skilled than any chick he’d ever gotten a blow job from. </p><p>“F-Fuck Andy… take your fucking clothes off and ride me.” Ashley ordered, yanking Andy’s hair roughly. </p><p>Andy obeyed, stripping his skintight jeans off before straddling Ashley’s lap feeling Ashley’s cock press up against him. The bassist gripped the singer’s jaw tightly a shiver going down his spine as he watched Andy gasp in pain and pleasure as he pushed himself into him. “You’re so goddamn beautiful.”</p><p>Andy closed the gap between them, pressing his lips against Ashley’s as the older man started to build a steady rhythm. The tightness in Andy’s gut was reaching a fever pitch as his own cock ached to be touched. He whimpered in pleasure as he felt Ashley’s hand wrap around his length, starting to stroke him in time with his thrusts. </p><p>Crimson kiss marks were left in trails as Andy kissed and nipped at Ashley’s neck, the singer’s warm breath feeling like ecstasy against his skin. He could feel himself getting closer to climax as Andy moved his hips in rhythm. </p><p>It felt so wrong but that’s what made it so good. The thing he’d been trying to resist for weeks, the forbidden fruit he wasn’t supposed to touch. Andy was nothing like all the women Ashley had been with, the pleasure was so much more intense and there was a spark that electrified him. </p><p>“F-Fuck I’m gonna c-cum” Andy moaned as his muscles started to tighten around the bassist. </p><p>The pleasure overcame the singer as Ashley brushed up against his prostate causing him to come hard. He dug his nails into Ashley’s back as he rode out his orgasm, gasping for air. Ashley’s thrusts got faster; his rhythm more erratic before feeling himself release deep inside the other man. </p><p>Andy collapsed against his chest, his lungs burning from lack of oxygen. Strong tattooed arms wrapped around his still shaking frame.</p>
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